Something About Me

I don’t believe it’s been almost a month I last updated!

It’s not bloggers block I’ve just been really busy.

Anyway, I’ve decided to write something about myself.

Before I proceed I just want to tell you that I know a blogger friend, maybe two actually, who will not be updating for a very long time maybe even never again. I will not reveal their identities. I will leave that that to the bloggers in question.

I discovered that there are certain things about me, which I considered normal but other people think are really strange. So I decided to compile a list of thirteen of such things:

I prefer Winter to Summer because of the longer nights during winter

I don’t condone crime but I admire the Mafia

I have a fascination for cemeteries and other things morbid, undertakers, caskets, hearses and funeral parlours

I think aloud a lot

I love being alone, all by myself

I’d love to be an international spy

I’m in my thirties and not married because I believe that the earlier you got married the longer you will be married for

I’m a strong supporter of the Death Penalty clause

I used to have a crush on Lisa Bonnet when she was acting in ‘the Cosby Show’. Maybe I still do

I love reading about the likes of Rudolph Hess, Henrich Himmler, Herman Goring, Joseph Goebbells and other Defendants at the Nuremberg trials

I can be very funny unintentionally

I have three different Facebook accounts and none in any of the names that appear on my birth certificate

I’d like to name my first son ‘Bart’, after ‘Bart Simpson’.

Pray tell me, which one of the items on my list do you consider strange?

Strange Events

Okay, it has taken me an eternity to update. Even me I know. I’m beginning to join the ranks of Sasuke, Aloofar, Mz. Dee and fineboy Agbero. Just to mention a few.
Yepa! A don die finish.

Make a no pass fo Ojuelegba again, or else fineboy Agbero go tell im boys make dem deal wit me. A must also cancel dat trip to Porakot. A sure say Mz. Dee sabi plenty militant boys wey go kidnap me laik say a be oil company expatriate.

As for that Aloofar a sure say na one ajebota (softie) I will deal with him personally. Apart from that, I have a score to settle with Aloofar, over Vera.

Unless Sasuke has updadted recently or he updates in the next Twenty-four hours, I think Aunty SSD, headmistress, should organise a search party to go look for am O! I hia say dem dey find pesin do sacrifice make Megida do flenti, flenti bafday for this world.

Strange things have been happening to me lately.

Okay, I got home one day last week and I was feeling really hungry so I grabbed a cereal bowl, equivalent of garri bowl in Nigeria, grabbed a packet of weetabix, which I poured into the bowl and added milk. I enjoyed the meal so much I went for a second helping, which I also enjoyed. I wanted to go for round three. (No, not that kind of round. Remember I was talking about weetabix, your dirty mind.) Anyway, as I was about to return the packet of weetabix my eyes caught something on the packet that made me freeze with fear! The weetabix I had just taken had expired since February 2008!!! WTF??? No wonder it had a funny taste, which I though was a new flavour that the manufacturers had just added.

BUMIGHT, SHEY I WON’T DIE SHA? PLEASE ANSWER QUICKLY O, BEFORE I DIE.

Walahi, Bumight, if I die my ghost will haunt you unless you take care of Vera for me. Then I won’t haunt you.

Something else happened to me, which I considered really strange.

I had a mobile phone (you call it cell phone in the US) last year and I downloaded this song as my ringtone, ‘Nasty girl’ by, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs, Sean "Puffy" Combs (I tire for the bobo self) feat. a whole bunch of losers in the Hip Hop world.

One day, last year, I was at my friend’s place, let call him ‘T’, and I heard his phone ring but reached for my phone thinking it was my phone ringing because the ringtone was exactly the same. We made a joke over who was copying who in downloading that particular ringtone.

I have since acquired another phone. (For those of you in Nigeria, the UK government gives out a brand new phone to all UK residents every year).

Anyway, I got another phone, courtesy of the UK government, and my new ringtone is ‘In my heart’ by Moby. Not a very popular song but there’s something about the song that I like.

I was back at my friend, ‘T’s place last Sunday and a phone rang. I reached for my phone thinking it was mine because it was the same ringtone. Alas, it wasn’t my phone ringing it was T’s wife’s phone. She had unknowingly downloaded the same ringtone as mine just like her husband did about a year ago. Spooky, innit?

Have you ever had any strange experience like that before? Let’s hear about it please.


*Just joking about the UK government giving out phones to UK residents every year O! *

President Yar'adua and Queen Elizabeth II

This is another political blog from me. I went astray before but I’ve come back to my original calling now.

I may go astray again very soon.

I’m sure you guys will be wondering, wetin konsain Megida and Iya Charlie?

Well, it happens that Megida and Iya Charlie get one thing in common.

"What is it?"

"Oya, guess now."

“They are both Heads of States of English speaking countries?”

“Yes, but that is not exactly the only thing they have in common.”

“Erm… they are both leaders of Commonwealth nations.”

“Yes, they both are but that was not what I had in mind.”

“I give up.”

“Oh, so soon? ”

“Yes, Naijaleta. Please tell us what the Queen of England and the King of Aso Rock have in common.

“They both celebrate two birthdays in a single year!”

“Otio! I know the Queen was born on the 21st April, which is her real birthday, and her official birthday is also celebrated around the first or second Saturday in June of every year but that’s because she’s the Monarch. Every English Monarch has that priviledge.”

“Well, it appears that the privilege has been accorded to Nigerian Presidents too.”

Recently, state governors in Nigeria blew over NGN35million, that’s around £140,000:00 (One hundred and forty thousand Pounds) to congratulate The President, Alhaji Yar’adua on the occasion of his 57th birthday on 9th July 2008.

The states involved include, Niger, Bayelsa, Imo, Sokoto, Rivers, Plateau, Kwara and Ekiti states. Other states include, Enugu, Katsina, Benue and Edo states.

Even the Senate President, David Mark joined the states to congratulate the President on his birthday.

Some state governors even placed advertisements in their personal capacity as state governors after the ones they placed on behalf of their states.

These are governors of, Kaduna, Bauchi, Kebbi, Ebonyi, Zamfara, Adamawa, Borno, Oyo, Taraba, Akwa-Ibom and Abia states.


Out of the over one hundred full page advertisements placed for the President’s birthday only fifteen were placed by private individuals. The rest were placed at public expense.

I understand that this campaign went on for about a week before a Presidential spokesman came forward to say that the President was actually born on August 16 and not July 9.

Surely, all the state governors who have placed those adverts with public money for July 9th must know something the rest of us do not know. Maybe the Nigerian constitution has now given Nigerian Heads of States the privilege of having two birthdays in a single year.

Final Report

Fear not or should I say, rejoice not to those of you who do not like me. I am not shutting down my blog. This is just the final report on the “Solomonsydelle Sect”. Like I stated in the original post I didn’t think I mentioned all the bloggers whose names I should have mentioned.

Much respect to all the bloggers who remined me of names that I missed out. My heartfelt appreciation to geisha.song, the singing blogger, who read the post, did not find her name on it and still dropped a comment. Walahi! I know that majority of you would not even bother once you cannot find your name in the post. She is a new blogger. I think she only started blogging in July. Please, please pay her a visit.

Then Freeflowingflorida, as in Freeflowingflorida, I mean that same Freeflowingflorida. (I just like to mention that name sha. It’s the name I just like O! I don’t know anything about the blogger) She reminded me of Ms. Sula, tin-tin (girl), I swear I didn’t know there was a tin-tin (girl). Is she married to tin-tin onijogbon?

Anyway, moving on. Mz. Dee, dat fine gal from Porakot, reminded me of invisible. I’m sorry Mr. or is it Ms. Invisible but maybe if you were not invisible I would have seen you and remembered.

Shubby-Doo, or is it flying-snow? She reminded me of jaja (of Opobo?) boorish male and baroque. Thank you Shubby-Doo. So when am I having that hug you promise me naa? People say I’m like a child, I never forget anything I’m promised especially if I think I’m going to enjoy the thing.

Oluwadee, Iyawo, mentioned efbabe.

Afrobabe reminded me of fluffycutething. Make she play come ma dormot one day make a see if she dey fluffy and cute nitoto.

Buttercup, Burasweerie, abi how Mz. Dee dey laik to call am? She reminded me of writefreak, woomie O, mekistein, ladykoko, dee and enigma. Meanwhile, a hia one gist laik dis about mekistein… ok, never mind.

Okay, this is my last update on the "Solomonsydelle sect". I’m afraid membership of the sect is finally closed. If your name is not mentioned you’ll have to apply again next year.

I’m sure people will still come up with suggestions but I tell you, these are the ones who are the ijinle of blogsville.

Vera’s wish has finally been granted. Check the comment page for my last post and see what I mean. She is under Aloofar. Isn’t Aloofar a lucky man? I would have thought that Vera was the type of woman who likes being on top of situations.

Afrobabe wants a blogger sideways. Awwwww! Any volunteers? Any, any? Going, going, gone. Omashe O! No volunteers. Okay, I’ll volunteer myself. Naijaleta volunteers himself to be by Afobabe’s side. I like a woman who likes being on top of situations and I hope you’re that kind of babe, Afro?

Okay, let me confess, I didn't make that announcement loud enough for others to hear so that I can keep her for myself.

How about doing a post on wowo bloggers next week? I mean, those blogger wey I no say dem no fine at all at all.

The Solomonsydelle Sect

Did you guys actually think I will simply stop talking about you just like that? Nah! I enjoy talking about you guys a lot and I won’t stop I only took a break. Those of you who have been reading my posts would have noticed how I lurve looking for trouble. Honestly, I’m not the kind of person who will sit down jejeli and trouble will come and meet me. I would actually go and look for trouble. Remember ‘Yaki’ the Chinese guy?

Moving on, I had to struggle a bit with the title. Well, I had to decide between two titles, "Afrobabe Alliance" and "Solomonsydelle Sect". I chose the latter not because I don’t like Afrobabe, as a matter of fact,……Oh, never mind.

Alright, let me start by giving you some statistics about blogging. There are tens of millions of blogs and each day about one hundred and twenty thousand new blogs are created. That makes blogging quite a competitive endeavour if you’re looking at it from that point of view. You could have a blog, which nobody visits not because you’ve made it private but simply because there are several millions of other blogs struggling for attention.

If you visit other blogs outside the Nigerian blogging community you will notice that unless the blogger is some guru or spending a lot of money marketing his blog, on an average, each post would get just about 2-3 or at most 5 or 6 comments. I’m sure you will agree with me that is not the case within the Nigerian blogging community. A single post for regular bloggers gets an average of twenty to thirty comments. You even have bloggers commenting twice or even thrice on the same post. In some cases you have two bloggers running a conversation on another person’s blog or even having a three way conversation with themselves and the owner of the blog. That is because we see ourselves as belonging to a community.

Then you have Afrobabe, whose single post commands not fewer than eighty comments, over a hundred comments sometimes depending on how....er, interesting the post is or how, erm... stimulating the picture is. Wonder where she gets those pictures from.

Okay, this post is not about Afrobabe alone. It’s about all of you and the spirit of community that exists between all of us. I respect and sometimes get emotional over the fact that we all belong to a cyber community, look out for one another and behave as if we are all members of the same family.

Having said that, I’m aware of the fact that there are hundreds of other Nigerian bloggers who don’t belong to this particular community I’m talking about. I don’t know if you have all realised but there’s a particular community that bloggers whose names I’ve mentioned below belong to.

The reason I chose this title is because we all appear to pay obeisance in one way or the other to Solomonsydelle, the headmistress of blogsville. The reason I wanted to choose the other title was because we all have this habit of commenting on Afrobabe’s blog. I still don’t know why I chose to dedicate the post to Solomonsydelle and not Afrobabe. I’m sure Afrobabe knows how much I love her.

To the following bloggers in the Naija blogging community who belong to the group I call the "Solomonsydelle-Sect", I troway salute, and keep up the good work:

To Afrobabe, Aphrodite, Aloted and Bumight. Okay, brief pause, I’m trying to do this alphabetically but it may not work so don’t worry. Let’s just continue, anigeriandramaqueen, Jarrai, all the way from Gambia (Okay, I know she lives in London but she’s part of this lovely community). There’s Shubby doo aka flying-Snow, the Chinese lady who still owes me a hug, Esmeralda, buttercup and Charizard, ma mehn. How could I forget my fellow Chelsea fan, Wellsbaba or Tin-Tin onijogbon? The list goes on, six gbosas for Sasuke, badderchic, ms. O, femme fatale, ibiluv and fineboyagbero, whose English sounds a lot more polished than that of any agbero. Then you have, ejura, vera, aloofar, archiwiz and Isha my sweetheart. Notice that I put vera and aloofar together.

Did you guys actually think I was gonna forget to mention Oluwadee and freeflowingforida? Wow, this list is gonna be a long one O, we still have undacovasista, naijalines, naijababe, everyonelovesanaijababe, naijaidol, naijavixen, lighty ‘neferet’ kopearl, 30+, mommy, tairebabs, femi b and anonymousgirl.

Please help me! This guys will kill me if I don’t mention their names, Jaguda, tobena, ablackjamesbond, kay-Shawn, Rodney, ynot, the explorer and Waffarian.

Then you have the Porakot beauties, Mz. Dee and theicequeen. Those two deserve a whole paragraph and that’s why I have given them one.

Moving on, felicitations to goodnaijagirl, standtall, Iwalewa Mcdaniels, rita esuru okoroafor, naija sutra and musco. Then there’s Carlang, Zena, Jayjazzy, Jaycee, naapali, notperfectdotcom, unwritten and sting who is being suspected to be my blog crush.

I’m gradually getting to an end. Wow, this is really tedious. Na who send me message?

On the list we still have, lg, Omosewa, uzezi, princesa, nine, rayo, doja, qmoney, parakeet and Shona vixen, our beautiful Zimbabwean sister. Jaybabe from Botswana has stopped blogging, unfortunately.

Another person who deserves a whole paragraph is queenofmycastle, who is just a personification of the word, ‘beauty’.

If there’s any blogger, whose name I have not mentioned it’s due to lack of space, as in, memory space in my head for the name. No, no, just joking. Anyway, if you feel I’ve left any name out of the "Solomonsydelle-Sect" please let me know and if I have included any name that you think I shouldn’t have included please tell me, with reasons why you think I shouldn’t have include the name.

My Blogs, Warts and All

My blog posts are largely unedited. I don’t write a post and give it to someone to cast a ‘fresh eye’ on it. This is what I think, when you ask people to proof-read your posts before you publish they don’t only spot the mistakes they also want to express their opinions on what you have written and more often than not they sway yours and the post is no longer original. Probably better written but the originality is lost. My blog is my personal diary, though published for the whole world to see but it’s still my personal thing. It’s not a corporate or some other organisation’s blog, It’s moi. I want readers to connect with me on a personal level. I would like to meet a regular reader of my blog for the first time and make him feel he had known me since the day he started reading my blog. That is why I publish my posts, warts and all. It’s better to have a wysiwyg reputation. (What you see is what you get).
Unlike other types of publications I think the most authentic blogs should be the ones in their raw state.
Mind you, I don’t have the same opinion about other publications. A novel, be it fiction or fact, has to be properly edited before it is published because it’s not really about the writer. It’s more about the characters, storyline, plot and stuff. I think it actually bothers on criminal negligence to publish a textbook containing errors that could easily have been verified. (Lord help us if that was a medical text-book) abi Bumight? I must sha mention her name in my post. Lol.
Almost the same argument goes for news journals and other regular publications. My blog on the other hand is what it is, my blog. I’d rather be corrected by someone from Australia who leaves a comment on my blog than have a proof-reader correct me always before I publish only to fall far below expectation when I finally meet readers of my blogs in person. My writings have to reflect my personality.
Sometimes an embarrassing criticism from an unknown reader could be more effective than a gentle advice from a proof-reader pal.
Hey, that’s just my opinion you may have a different one. It’s just that I have this habit of being right all the time.
Having said that I go to great lengths to carefully go over what I’ve written a million times to verify my facts, check my spellings and grammatical constructions before I publish. So whatever error you come across in my blog, that’s me.
Maybe that is why I’m writing with a pseudonym so if my blog is considered rubbish I’d simply slip into oblivion and kill the pseudonym for good. Readers of my blog who see me later would never know I was the one and I would be saved a lot of embarrassment.

I’m aware of one thing however, that the most important factor to consider about blogging is to put the readers of the blog first.

Had Internet Problems Too

None of you would believe that I had problems with my Internet connection as well. I just chose to keep quiet about it. I’m the sort of person who faces the solution instead of the problem, if you know what I mean. I’m glad to tell you it’s all over now.

This is how it started: Those of you who have been to my facebook page before would notice that my answer to the question, ‘favourite TV shows’, was, ‘some idiot cut my sky cable’. Well, that’s very true. Came back from work one day and discovered that my Sky cable had been severed.

By the way, ‘Sky’ is the name of the most popular satellite TV service provider in the UK.

Under normal circumstances I should have simply called Sky to come and fix it but I couldn’t due to two reasons.
Before telling you what the reasons were let me say at this point that the Sky account, which included the TV and Internet connection belonged to my flatmate.

The first reason was because that was the second time that would be happening in less than four months. The first time it happened, Sky sent an engineer to come and fix the cable for free because my flat-mate threatened that she was going to leave the company and join another company. This time around she called Sky again and used the same line but they just told her to go to hell. (No, just joking, that’s bad publicity for Sky.) They explained to her, as professionally as they could, that they couldn’t possibly be sending their engineers out to fix her cable every other month. The second reason was because she was moving out of the flat because she was getting married so she didn’t think it made any sense to spend money fixing a cable in an apartment she was moving out of.

So, there was no television to watch but since the Internet connection was separate from the TV I had to turn onto the Internet and that was okay until my flatmate moved out and had to disconnect the Internet as well. Due to the fact that my flatmate had moved out I had to move out as well and look for another place to stay. What that meant was that I couldn’t fix the TV and Internet until I got another place.

I had to rely on a Mobile broadband service with the use of a small device called a dongle for several weeks. Wonderful piece of technology, smaller and lighter than most mobile phones. You don’t need to upload any software onto your computer, just plug and play. Those of you in the UK should know what I’m talking about; almost every mobile phone company here has a mobile broadband service. I mean no disrespect but bifor dat kain thing go land Naija Jesus Christ go don kom bak. My friend dey try video-call me from Naija last week, who sai?

Now the problem with mobile broadband is the connection speed, it’s slow. Forget about watching YouTube, you’ll only frustrate yourself. Commenting on other people’s blog was a bit of a challenge too. Some of you would have noticed that I may not have been commenting on your blogs. It’s nothing personal it was my Internet connection.

The dongle was my life saver anyway. Oh, and you guys too on blogsville. Without you guys and the dongle, I would have gone mad. Imagine coming back from work at around 5p.m to an empty flat with no TV, no Internet connection. I don’t drink and don’t have too many friends so going to the pub or hanging out with friends were not viable options.
Thank God for Dongle baby, which enabled me to blog, if I couldn’t do anything else. I was at least able to blog and interact with all of you and that kept me sane.

I have moved into a new flat now and have installed my broadband connection, which is fffffffffasst! Now I can watch video and every other thing I want to do on the Internet.
In appreciation of you guys (especially my blog crush) and my dongle, I dedicate, ‘That’s what friends are for’ by Dionne Warwick. Enjoy!