KILONSELE

Before I write further I just want to explain to Shona Vixen and Jarrai that ‘kilonsele’ means ‘Wassup?’ in Yoruba.

Okay, moving on. I could use an entire post to apologise to you guys for not having updated and go on and on about how time flies and all that shit and then disappear again for the next three months. How about that?

I’m still very much alive and kicking and…, never mind.

A lot has happened since I last updated. Afrobabe has become born-again!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I wanted to do a post on New Year resolutions and something else happened. I however made some resolutions sha:

I will stop mentioning Bumight’s name on all of my posts

I will call Vera or send her an e-mail. (Well that’s if she’s still single.)

I will stop stalking Mz Dee.

I will stop wondering what some bloggers look like.

I will stop fantasising about one particular blogger. No, I won’t mention his/her name.

I will blog more often this year. (I’ve already broken that resolution)

I will unmask myself this year. (Fat chance)

I will stop telling fabus in my posts

Chei! That was Easy. I should have updated a long time ago.

Anywez, for those of you in Nigeria, Obama has finally been sworn in on January 20th. I know we are in February but I understand that some people in Nigeria have not had electricity since the beginning of this year so they probably haven’t heard.

How many of you remember that part of Obama’s inauguration speech where he talked about leaders clenching their fists? I heard from very authoritative sources that it was at the last minute that he decided to remove Yar’adua’s name from that part of the speech. He reckoned he really didn’t deserve that much attention.

It snowed heavily in London the other day and I took part in a snow-man building competition for my adugbo. I won’t tell you who won. I won’t publish the pictures I took either. I don’t want people to know where I live in Jand.

I promise I won’t be absent for so long again. If I don’t update very soon make a baff naked.

Long Time No Write

I’m just going to pretend as if everything is normal. As if I posted yesterday. Anyway, for Bumight, Vera, Isha, my sweetheart and my other fans this is just to tell you that I’m fine. The credit crunch has not led me to commit suicide (or maybe I have and I just hired a ghost writer to continue writing my blog). That’s the problem with blogging anon you don’t know who is who. I understand that Afrobabe has vanished into thin air just like that. Na wah O! Or maybe she’s just opened another blog. We kuku don’t know who she really is. Thank God for the Internet.

A lot has happened since the last time I was here O! I’m sure you must have figured out the two bloggers I was referring to in my last post who wouldn’t be blogging for a long time if at all you’ll ever hear from them again. Seriously, I need to write a post one of these days acknowledging the good work consistent bloggers are doing on blogville. I won’t mention names now but there are some consistent bloggers and they deserve my commendation. Yes, Vera, you’re one of them.

Like I was saying a lot has happened since the last time I was here. Have you heard that Barack Obama won the last US Presidential elections? Lol. Yes O, our boy Barack won.

I wanted to put up a post just before the elections explaining to people why Obama and not John McCain deserved to win the election. No, it’s not because it’s the turn of a black person to rule. If that’s the case then the US should be ruled by Native American Indians.

Obama was preaching a message of hope and unity while John McCain was instigating division and relying on scare mongering to gather votes. For me that was the deal breaker for the Democrats.

There are other reasons why the Democrats won but I won’t go into that just yet. When would this post end if I started going on about Sarah Palin?

I understand that Baba, Aremu of Sango-Otta wrote a very beautiful piece on Obama’s victory. In his article, he accused his former friend, Dubya, of spending eight years in office engaging in a senseless war and driving the economy into ruins. Na wah O! How time flies. Was it not the same Aremu who almost set up an annexe of Aso Rock in Washington DC considering the amount of times he travelled to the USA to see Bush?

You should have seen the way Gordon Brown and that mumu fine boy, David Cameron, were using Obama’s victory to score cheap points off each other. The truth is that deep inside them, those Oyinbos are afraid that what has happened in the USA may repeat itself in the United Kingdom. They are all afraid of the day a black man would become Prime Minister of Britain.

Forget about Britain for now. I would like to ask the question I asked in an earlier post again and the question is, ‘where is Nigeria’s Obama?’

Something About Me

I don’t believe it’s been almost a month I last updated!

It’s not bloggers block I’ve just been really busy.

Anyway, I’ve decided to write something about myself.

Before I proceed I just want to tell you that I know a blogger friend, maybe two actually, who will not be updating for a very long time maybe even never again. I will not reveal their identities. I will leave that that to the bloggers in question.

I discovered that there are certain things about me, which I considered normal but other people think are really strange. So I decided to compile a list of thirteen of such things:

I prefer Winter to Summer because of the longer nights during winter

I don’t condone crime but I admire the Mafia

I have a fascination for cemeteries and other things morbid, undertakers, caskets, hearses and funeral parlours

I think aloud a lot

I love being alone, all by myself

I’d love to be an international spy

I’m in my thirties and not married because I believe that the earlier you got married the longer you will be married for

I’m a strong supporter of the Death Penalty clause

I used to have a crush on Lisa Bonnet when she was acting in ‘the Cosby Show’. Maybe I still do

I love reading about the likes of Rudolph Hess, Henrich Himmler, Herman Goring, Joseph Goebbells and other Defendants at the Nuremberg trials

I can be very funny unintentionally

I have three different Facebook accounts and none in any of the names that appear on my birth certificate

I’d like to name my first son ‘Bart’, after ‘Bart Simpson’.

Pray tell me, which one of the items on my list do you consider strange?

Strange Events

Okay, it has taken me an eternity to update. Even me I know. I’m beginning to join the ranks of Sasuke, Aloofar, Mz. Dee and fineboy Agbero. Just to mention a few.
Yepa! A don die finish.

Make a no pass fo Ojuelegba again, or else fineboy Agbero go tell im boys make dem deal wit me. A must also cancel dat trip to Porakot. A sure say Mz. Dee sabi plenty militant boys wey go kidnap me laik say a be oil company expatriate.

As for that Aloofar a sure say na one ajebota (softie) I will deal with him personally. Apart from that, I have a score to settle with Aloofar, over Vera.

Unless Sasuke has updadted recently or he updates in the next Twenty-four hours, I think Aunty SSD, headmistress, should organise a search party to go look for am O! I hia say dem dey find pesin do sacrifice make Megida do flenti, flenti bafday for this world.

Strange things have been happening to me lately.

Okay, I got home one day last week and I was feeling really hungry so I grabbed a cereal bowl, equivalent of garri bowl in Nigeria, grabbed a packet of weetabix, which I poured into the bowl and added milk. I enjoyed the meal so much I went for a second helping, which I also enjoyed. I wanted to go for round three. (No, not that kind of round. Remember I was talking about weetabix, your dirty mind.) Anyway, as I was about to return the packet of weetabix my eyes caught something on the packet that made me freeze with fear! The weetabix I had just taken had expired since February 2008!!! WTF??? No wonder it had a funny taste, which I though was a new flavour that the manufacturers had just added.

BUMIGHT, SHEY I WON’T DIE SHA? PLEASE ANSWER QUICKLY O, BEFORE I DIE.

Walahi, Bumight, if I die my ghost will haunt you unless you take care of Vera for me. Then I won’t haunt you.

Something else happened to me, which I considered really strange.

I had a mobile phone (you call it cell phone in the US) last year and I downloaded this song as my ringtone, ‘Nasty girl’ by, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs, Sean "Puffy" Combs (I tire for the bobo self) feat. a whole bunch of losers in the Hip Hop world.

One day, last year, I was at my friend’s place, let call him ‘T’, and I heard his phone ring but reached for my phone thinking it was my phone ringing because the ringtone was exactly the same. We made a joke over who was copying who in downloading that particular ringtone.

I have since acquired another phone. (For those of you in Nigeria, the UK government gives out a brand new phone to all UK residents every year).

Anyway, I got another phone, courtesy of the UK government, and my new ringtone is ‘In my heart’ by Moby. Not a very popular song but there’s something about the song that I like.

I was back at my friend, ‘T’s place last Sunday and a phone rang. I reached for my phone thinking it was mine because it was the same ringtone. Alas, it wasn’t my phone ringing it was T’s wife’s phone. She had unknowingly downloaded the same ringtone as mine just like her husband did about a year ago. Spooky, innit?

Have you ever had any strange experience like that before? Let’s hear about it please.


*Just joking about the UK government giving out phones to UK residents every year O! *

President Yar'adua and Queen Elizabeth II

This is another political blog from me. I went astray before but I’ve come back to my original calling now.

I may go astray again very soon.

I’m sure you guys will be wondering, wetin konsain Megida and Iya Charlie?

Well, it happens that Megida and Iya Charlie get one thing in common.

"What is it?"

"Oya, guess now."

“They are both Heads of States of English speaking countries?”

“Yes, but that is not exactly the only thing they have in common.”

“Erm… they are both leaders of Commonwealth nations.”

“Yes, they both are but that was not what I had in mind.”

“I give up.”

“Oh, so soon? ”

“Yes, Naijaleta. Please tell us what the Queen of England and the King of Aso Rock have in common.

“They both celebrate two birthdays in a single year!”

“Otio! I know the Queen was born on the 21st April, which is her real birthday, and her official birthday is also celebrated around the first or second Saturday in June of every year but that’s because she’s the Monarch. Every English Monarch has that priviledge.”

“Well, it appears that the privilege has been accorded to Nigerian Presidents too.”

Recently, state governors in Nigeria blew over NGN35million, that’s around £140,000:00 (One hundred and forty thousand Pounds) to congratulate The President, Alhaji Yar’adua on the occasion of his 57th birthday on 9th July 2008.

The states involved include, Niger, Bayelsa, Imo, Sokoto, Rivers, Plateau, Kwara and Ekiti states. Other states include, Enugu, Katsina, Benue and Edo states.

Even the Senate President, David Mark joined the states to congratulate the President on his birthday.

Some state governors even placed advertisements in their personal capacity as state governors after the ones they placed on behalf of their states.

These are governors of, Kaduna, Bauchi, Kebbi, Ebonyi, Zamfara, Adamawa, Borno, Oyo, Taraba, Akwa-Ibom and Abia states.


Out of the over one hundred full page advertisements placed for the President’s birthday only fifteen were placed by private individuals. The rest were placed at public expense.

I understand that this campaign went on for about a week before a Presidential spokesman came forward to say that the President was actually born on August 16 and not July 9.

Surely, all the state governors who have placed those adverts with public money for July 9th must know something the rest of us do not know. Maybe the Nigerian constitution has now given Nigerian Heads of States the privilege of having two birthdays in a single year.

Final Report

Fear not or should I say, rejoice not to those of you who do not like me. I am not shutting down my blog. This is just the final report on the “Solomonsydelle Sect”. Like I stated in the original post I didn’t think I mentioned all the bloggers whose names I should have mentioned.

Much respect to all the bloggers who remined me of names that I missed out. My heartfelt appreciation to geisha.song, the singing blogger, who read the post, did not find her name on it and still dropped a comment. Walahi! I know that majority of you would not even bother once you cannot find your name in the post. She is a new blogger. I think she only started blogging in July. Please, please pay her a visit.

Then Freeflowingflorida, as in Freeflowingflorida, I mean that same Freeflowingflorida. (I just like to mention that name sha. It’s the name I just like O! I don’t know anything about the blogger) She reminded me of Ms. Sula, tin-tin (girl), I swear I didn’t know there was a tin-tin (girl). Is she married to tin-tin onijogbon?

Anyway, moving on. Mz. Dee, dat fine gal from Porakot, reminded me of invisible. I’m sorry Mr. or is it Ms. Invisible but maybe if you were not invisible I would have seen you and remembered.

Shubby-Doo, or is it flying-snow? She reminded me of jaja (of Opobo?) boorish male and baroque. Thank you Shubby-Doo. So when am I having that hug you promise me naa? People say I’m like a child, I never forget anything I’m promised especially if I think I’m going to enjoy the thing.

Oluwadee, Iyawo, mentioned efbabe.

Afrobabe reminded me of fluffycutething. Make she play come ma dormot one day make a see if she dey fluffy and cute nitoto.

Buttercup, Burasweerie, abi how Mz. Dee dey laik to call am? She reminded me of writefreak, woomie O, mekistein, ladykoko, dee and enigma. Meanwhile, a hia one gist laik dis about mekistein… ok, never mind.

Okay, this is my last update on the "Solomonsydelle sect". I’m afraid membership of the sect is finally closed. If your name is not mentioned you’ll have to apply again next year.

I’m sure people will still come up with suggestions but I tell you, these are the ones who are the ijinle of blogsville.

Vera’s wish has finally been granted. Check the comment page for my last post and see what I mean. She is under Aloofar. Isn’t Aloofar a lucky man? I would have thought that Vera was the type of woman who likes being on top of situations.

Afrobabe wants a blogger sideways. Awwwww! Any volunteers? Any, any? Going, going, gone. Omashe O! No volunteers. Okay, I’ll volunteer myself. Naijaleta volunteers himself to be by Afobabe’s side. I like a woman who likes being on top of situations and I hope you’re that kind of babe, Afro?

Okay, let me confess, I didn't make that announcement loud enough for others to hear so that I can keep her for myself.

How about doing a post on wowo bloggers next week? I mean, those blogger wey I no say dem no fine at all at all.

The Solomonsydelle Sect

Did you guys actually think I will simply stop talking about you just like that? Nah! I enjoy talking about you guys a lot and I won’t stop I only took a break. Those of you who have been reading my posts would have noticed how I lurve looking for trouble. Honestly, I’m not the kind of person who will sit down jejeli and trouble will come and meet me. I would actually go and look for trouble. Remember ‘Yaki’ the Chinese guy?

Moving on, I had to struggle a bit with the title. Well, I had to decide between two titles, "Afrobabe Alliance" and "Solomonsydelle Sect". I chose the latter not because I don’t like Afrobabe, as a matter of fact,……Oh, never mind.

Alright, let me start by giving you some statistics about blogging. There are tens of millions of blogs and each day about one hundred and twenty thousand new blogs are created. That makes blogging quite a competitive endeavour if you’re looking at it from that point of view. You could have a blog, which nobody visits not because you’ve made it private but simply because there are several millions of other blogs struggling for attention.

If you visit other blogs outside the Nigerian blogging community you will notice that unless the blogger is some guru or spending a lot of money marketing his blog, on an average, each post would get just about 2-3 or at most 5 or 6 comments. I’m sure you will agree with me that is not the case within the Nigerian blogging community. A single post for regular bloggers gets an average of twenty to thirty comments. You even have bloggers commenting twice or even thrice on the same post. In some cases you have two bloggers running a conversation on another person’s blog or even having a three way conversation with themselves and the owner of the blog. That is because we see ourselves as belonging to a community.

Then you have Afrobabe, whose single post commands not fewer than eighty comments, over a hundred comments sometimes depending on how....er, interesting the post is or how, erm... stimulating the picture is. Wonder where she gets those pictures from.

Okay, this post is not about Afrobabe alone. It’s about all of you and the spirit of community that exists between all of us. I respect and sometimes get emotional over the fact that we all belong to a cyber community, look out for one another and behave as if we are all members of the same family.

Having said that, I’m aware of the fact that there are hundreds of other Nigerian bloggers who don’t belong to this particular community I’m talking about. I don’t know if you have all realised but there’s a particular community that bloggers whose names I’ve mentioned below belong to.

The reason I chose this title is because we all appear to pay obeisance in one way or the other to Solomonsydelle, the headmistress of blogsville. The reason I wanted to choose the other title was because we all have this habit of commenting on Afrobabe’s blog. I still don’t know why I chose to dedicate the post to Solomonsydelle and not Afrobabe. I’m sure Afrobabe knows how much I love her.

To the following bloggers in the Naija blogging community who belong to the group I call the "Solomonsydelle-Sect", I troway salute, and keep up the good work:

To Afrobabe, Aphrodite, Aloted and Bumight. Okay, brief pause, I’m trying to do this alphabetically but it may not work so don’t worry. Let’s just continue, anigeriandramaqueen, Jarrai, all the way from Gambia (Okay, I know she lives in London but she’s part of this lovely community). There’s Shubby doo aka flying-Snow, the Chinese lady who still owes me a hug, Esmeralda, buttercup and Charizard, ma mehn. How could I forget my fellow Chelsea fan, Wellsbaba or Tin-Tin onijogbon? The list goes on, six gbosas for Sasuke, badderchic, ms. O, femme fatale, ibiluv and fineboyagbero, whose English sounds a lot more polished than that of any agbero. Then you have, ejura, vera, aloofar, archiwiz and Isha my sweetheart. Notice that I put vera and aloofar together.

Did you guys actually think I was gonna forget to mention Oluwadee and freeflowingforida? Wow, this list is gonna be a long one O, we still have undacovasista, naijalines, naijababe, everyonelovesanaijababe, naijaidol, naijavixen, lighty ‘neferet’ kopearl, 30+, mommy, tairebabs, femi b and anonymousgirl.

Please help me! This guys will kill me if I don’t mention their names, Jaguda, tobena, ablackjamesbond, kay-Shawn, Rodney, ynot, the explorer and Waffarian.

Then you have the Porakot beauties, Mz. Dee and theicequeen. Those two deserve a whole paragraph and that’s why I have given them one.

Moving on, felicitations to goodnaijagirl, standtall, Iwalewa Mcdaniels, rita esuru okoroafor, naija sutra and musco. Then there’s Carlang, Zena, Jayjazzy, Jaycee, naapali, notperfectdotcom, unwritten and sting who is being suspected to be my blog crush.

I’m gradually getting to an end. Wow, this is really tedious. Na who send me message?

On the list we still have, lg, Omosewa, uzezi, princesa, nine, rayo, doja, qmoney, parakeet and Shona vixen, our beautiful Zimbabwean sister. Jaybabe from Botswana has stopped blogging, unfortunately.

Another person who deserves a whole paragraph is queenofmycastle, who is just a personification of the word, ‘beauty’.

If there’s any blogger, whose name I have not mentioned it’s due to lack of space, as in, memory space in my head for the name. No, no, just joking. Anyway, if you feel I’ve left any name out of the "Solomonsydelle-Sect" please let me know and if I have included any name that you think I shouldn’t have included please tell me, with reasons why you think I shouldn’t have include the name.