Friday, 19 September 2008

Strange Events

Okay, it has taken me an eternity to update. Even me I know. I’m beginning to join the ranks of Sasuke, Aloofar, Mz. Dee and fineboy Agbero. Just to mention a few.
Yepa! A don die finish.

Make a no pass fo Ojuelegba again, or else fineboy Agbero go tell im boys make dem deal wit me. A must also cancel dat trip to Porakot. A sure say Mz. Dee sabi plenty militant boys wey go kidnap me laik say a be oil company expatriate.

As for that Aloofar a sure say na one ajebota (softie) I will deal with him personally. Apart from that, I have a score to settle with Aloofar, over Vera.

Unless Sasuke has updadted recently or he updates in the next Twenty-four hours, I think Aunty SSD, headmistress, should organise a search party to go look for am O! I hia say dem dey find pesin do sacrifice make Megida do flenti, flenti bafday for this world.

Strange things have been happening to me lately.

Okay, I got home one day last week and I was feeling really hungry so I grabbed a cereal bowl, equivalent of garri bowl in Nigeria, grabbed a packet of weetabix, which I poured into the bowl and added milk. I enjoyed the meal so much I went for a second helping, which I also enjoyed. I wanted to go for round three. (No, not that kind of round. Remember I was talking about weetabix, your dirty mind.) Anyway, as I was about to return the packet of weetabix my eyes caught something on the packet that made me freeze with fear! The weetabix I had just taken had expired since February 2008!!! WTF??? No wonder it had a funny taste, which I though was a new flavour that the manufacturers had just added.


Walahi, Bumight, if I die my ghost will haunt you unless you take care of Vera for me. Then I won’t haunt you.

Something else happened to me, which I considered really strange.

I had a mobile phone (you call it cell phone in the US) last year and I downloaded this song as my ringtone, ‘Nasty girl’ by, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs, Sean "Puffy" Combs (I tire for the bobo self) feat. a whole bunch of losers in the Hip Hop world.

One day, last year, I was at my friend’s place, let call him ‘T’, and I heard his phone ring but reached for my phone thinking it was my phone ringing because the ringtone was exactly the same. We made a joke over who was copying who in downloading that particular ringtone.

I have since acquired another phone. (For those of you in Nigeria, the UK government gives out a brand new phone to all UK residents every year).

Anyway, I got another phone, courtesy of the UK government, and my new ringtone is ‘In my heart’ by Moby. Not a very popular song but there’s something about the song that I like.

I was back at my friend, ‘T’s place last Sunday and a phone rang. I reached for my phone thinking it was mine because it was the same ringtone. Alas, it wasn’t my phone ringing it was T’s wife’s phone. She had unknowingly downloaded the same ringtone as mine just like her husband did about a year ago. Spooky, innit?

Have you ever had any strange experience like that before? Let’s hear about it please.

*Just joking about the UK government giving out phones to UK residents every year O! *

Saturday, 6 September 2008

President Yar'adua and Queen Elizabeth II

This is another political blog from me. I went astray before but I’ve come back to my original calling now.

I may go astray again very soon.

I’m sure you guys will be wondering, wetin konsain Megida and Iya Charlie?

Well, it happens that Megida and Iya Charlie get one thing in common.

"What is it?"

"Oya, guess now."

“They are both Heads of States of English speaking countries?”

“Yes, but that is not exactly the only thing they have in common.”

“Erm… they are both leaders of Commonwealth nations.”

“Yes, they both are but that was not what I had in mind.”

“I give up.”

“Oh, so soon? ”

“Yes, Naijaleta. Please tell us what the Queen of England and the King of Aso Rock have in common.

“They both celebrate two birthdays in a single year!”

Otio! I know the Queen was born on the 21st April, which is her real birthday, and her official birthday is also celebrated around the first or second Saturday in June of every year but that’s because she’s the Monarch. Every English Monarch has that priviledge.”

“Well, it appears that the privilege has been accorded to Nigerian Presidents too.”

Recently, state governors in Nigeria blew over NGN35million, that’s around £140,000:00 (One hundred and forty thousand Pounds) to congratulate The President, Alhaji Yar’adua on the occasion of his 57th birthday on 9th July 2008.

The states involved include, Niger, Bayelsa, Imo, Sokoto, Rivers, Plateau, Kwara and Ekiti states. Other states include, Enugu, Katsina, Benue and Edo states.

Even the Senate President, David Mark joined the states to congratulate the President on his birthday.

Some state governors even placed advertisements in their personal capacity as state governors after the ones they placed on behalf of their states.

These are governors of, Kaduna, Bauchi, Kebbi, Ebonyi, Zamfara, Adamawa, Borno, Oyo, Taraba, Akwa-Ibom and Abia states.

Out of the over one hundred full page advertisements placed for the President’s birthday only fifteen were placed by private individuals. The rest were placed at public expense.

I understand that this campaign went on for about a week before a Presidential spokesman came forward to say that the President was actually born on August 16 and not July 9.

Surely, all the state governors who have placed those adverts with public money for July 9th must know something the rest of us do not know. Maybe the Nigerian constitution has now given Nigerian Heads of States the privilege of having two birthdays in a single year.