Friday, 6 March 2009
Remember that I made a New Year resolution to post regularly on my blog or didn’t I? The resolution is not that difficult to keep. (Gulp!)
Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be wondering what the title of my post is all about. By the way, I’m listening to Boyz II Men in the background, 'I’m doing just fine'. Yeah, I’m doing just fine getting along very well without you in my life. She knows who she is.
Moving on, you know what they say:
Rich people don’t steal; they embezzle
Rich people don’t sleep around; they have affairs
Rich people don’t fart; they break wind.
And the list continues like that.
The way it applies to rich people is exactly the way it is with rich countries.
When Uganda did it during the Idi-Amin era and Zimbabwe very recently it was called, ‘printing money’ but now that the United Kingdom has joined the ranks of Uganda and Zimbabwe in printing money it is re-christened ‘quantitative easing’.
Yes O! The Bank of England has just announced plans to print about £75billion. Yup! Your eyes are not deceiving you. Her Majesty’s government will be printing seventy-five billion Pounds very soon, not Biafran Pounds by the way but Pounds Sterling (Mama Charlie). I won’t even try converting that to Zimbabwean Dollars, I’ll still be adding the zeroes this time next year.
That is how bad the credit crunch has hit the UK. The Government is so broke they have resorted to printing money themselves.
I was very happy when I first heard O! I divided £75billion by the number of people in the UK and reckoned that at least each person should be given a thousand Pounds. I was even thinking of collecting my brother’s share, he’s relocated to Nigeria. I was very disappointed when I went to see my bank manager who told me that the money would not be shared amongst the residents. He was telling me some shit like buying up Government bonds. Government bond ko Government James ni. Nonsense and ingredients.
The stupid manager should have told me that earlier. I have already promised my Homies in Naija that I will be sending some money to them. I have also been thinking of buying a new plasma TV. Now I would have to make do with the old school TV I have been watching.
Una see the kain wahala dis credit crunch or global recession don cause now abi wetin dem dey call am for Naija?
Yipee! I just wrote a whole post without mentioning Bumight’s name. I’m keeping my New Year resolution.
Ps: Solomonsydelle, I have updated O.
Monday, 9 February 2009
Okay, moving on. I could use an entire post to apologise to you guys for not having updated and go on and on about how time flies and all that shit and then disappear again for the next three months. How about that?
I’m still very much alive and kicking and…, never mind.
A lot has happened since I last updated. Afrobabe has become born-again!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I wanted to do a post on New Year resolutions and something else happened. I however made some resolutions sha:
I will stop mentioning Bumight’s name on all of my posts
I will call Vera or send her an e-mail. (Well that’s if she’s still single.)
I will stop stalking Mz Dee.
I will stop wondering what some bloggers look like.
I will stop fantasising about one particular blogger. No, I won’t mention his/her name.
I will blog more often this year. (I’ve already broken that resolution)
I will unmask myself this year. (Fat chance)
I will stop telling fabus in my posts
Chei! That was Easy. I should have updated a long time ago.
Anywez, for those of you in Nigeria, Obama has finally been sworn in on January 20th. I know we are in February but I understand that some people in Nigeria have not had electricity since the beginning of this year so they probably haven’t heard.
How many of you remember that part of Obama’s inauguration speech where he talked about leaders clenching their fists? I heard from very authoritative sources that it was at the last minute that he decided to remove Yar’adua’s name from that part of the speech. He reckoned he really didn’t deserve that much attention.
It snowed heavily in London the other day and I took part in a snow-man building competition for my adugbo. I won’t tell you who won. I won’t publish the pictures I took either. I don’t want people to know where I live in Jand.
I promise I won’t be absent for so long again. If I don’t update very soon make a baff naked.
Friday, 28 November 2008
A lot has happened since the last time I was here O! I’m sure you must have figured out the two bloggers I was referring to in my last post who wouldn’t be blogging for a long time if at all you’ll ever hear from them again. Seriously, I need to write a post one of these days acknowledging the good work consistent bloggers are doing on blogville. I won’t mention names now but there are some consistent bloggers and they deserve my commendation. Yes, Vera, you’re one of them.
Like I was saying a lot has happened since the last time I was here. Have you heard that Barack Obama won the last US Presidential elections? Lol. Yes O, our boy Barack won.
I wanted to put up a post just before the elections explaining to people why Obama and not John McCain deserved to win the election. No, it’s not because it’s the turn of a black person to rule. If that’s the case then the US should be ruled by Native American Indians.
Obama was preaching a message of hope and unity while John McCain was instigating division and relying on scare mongering to gather votes. For me that was the deal breaker for the Democrats.
There are other reasons why the Democrats won but I won’t go into that just yet. When would this post end if I started going on about Sarah Palin?
I understand that Baba, Aremu of Sango-Otta wrote a very beautiful piece on Obama’s victory. In his article, he accused his former friend, Dubya, of spending eight years in office engaging in a senseless war and driving the economy into ruins. Na wah O! How time flies. Was it not the same Aremu who almost set up an annexe of Aso Rock in Washington DC considering the amount of times he travelled to the USA to see Bush?
You should have seen the way Gordon Brown and that mumu fine boy, David Cameron, were using Obama’s victory to score cheap points off each other. The truth is that deep inside them, those Oyinbos are afraid that what has happened in the USA may repeat itself in the United Kingdom. They are all afraid of the day a black man would become Prime Minister of Britain.
Forget about Britain for now. I would like to ask the question I asked in an earlier post again and the question is, ‘where is Nigeria’s Obama?’
Thursday, 16 October 2008
I don’t believe it’s been almost a month I last updated!
It’s not bloggers block I’ve just been really busy.
Anyway, I’ve decided to write something about myself.
Before I proceed I just want to tell you that I know a blogger friend, maybe two actually, who will not be updating for a very long time maybe even never again. I will not reveal their identities. I will leave that that to the bloggers in question.
I discovered that there are certain things about me, which I considered normal but other people think are really strange. So I decided to compile a list of thirteen of such things:
I prefer Winter to Summer because of the longer nights during winter
I don’t condone crime but I admire the Mafia
I have a fascination for cemeteries and other things morbid, undertakers, caskets, hearses and funeral parlours
I think aloud a lot
I love being alone, all by myself
I’d love to be an international spy
I’m in my thirties and not married because I believe that the earlier you got married the longer you will be married for
I’m a strong supporter of the Death Penalty clause
I used to have a crush on Lisa Bonnet when she was acting in ‘the Cosby Show’. Maybe I still do
I love reading about the likes of Rudolph Hess, Henrich Himmler, Herman Goring, Joseph Goebbells and other Defendants at the Nuremberg trials
I can be very funny unintentionally
I have three different Facebook accounts and none in any of the names that appear on my birth certificate
I’d like to name my first son ‘Bart’, after ‘Bart Simpson’.
Pray tell me, which one of the items on my list do you consider strange?
Friday, 19 September 2008
Yepa! A don die finish.
Make a no pass fo Ojuelegba again, or else fineboy Agbero go tell im boys make dem deal wit me. A must also cancel dat trip to Porakot. A sure say Mz. Dee sabi plenty militant boys wey go kidnap me laik say a be oil company expatriate.
As for that Aloofar a sure say na one ajebota (softie) I will deal with him personally. Apart from that, I have a score to settle with Aloofar, over Vera.
Unless Sasuke has updadted recently or he updates in the next Twenty-four hours, I think Aunty SSD, headmistress, should organise a search party to go look for am O! I hia say dem dey find pesin do sacrifice make Megida do flenti, flenti bafday for this world.
Strange things have been happening to me lately.
Okay, I got home one day last week and I was feeling really hungry so I grabbed a cereal bowl, equivalent of garri bowl in Nigeria, grabbed a packet of weetabix, which I poured into the bowl and added milk. I enjoyed the meal so much I went for a second helping, which I also enjoyed. I wanted to go for round three. (No, not that kind of round. Remember I was talking about weetabix, your dirty mind.) Anyway, as I was about to return the packet of weetabix my eyes caught something on the packet that made me freeze with fear! The weetabix I had just taken had expired since February 2008!!! WTF??? No wonder it had a funny taste, which I though was a new flavour that the manufacturers had just added.
BUMIGHT, SHEY I WON’T DIE SHA? PLEASE ANSWER QUICKLY O, BEFORE I DIE.
Walahi, Bumight, if I die my ghost will haunt you unless you take care of Vera for me. Then I won’t haunt you.
Something else happened to me, which I considered really strange.
I had a mobile phone (you call it cell phone in the US) last year and I downloaded this song as my ringtone, ‘Nasty girl’ by, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs, Sean "Puffy" Combs (I tire for the bobo self) feat. a whole bunch of losers in the Hip Hop world.
One day, last year, I was at my friend’s place, let call him ‘T’, and I heard his phone ring but reached for my phone thinking it was my phone ringing because the ringtone was exactly the same. We made a joke over who was copying who in downloading that particular ringtone.
I have since acquired another phone. (For those of you in Nigeria, the UK government gives out a brand new phone to all UK residents every year).
Anyway, I got another phone, courtesy of the UK government, and my new ringtone is ‘In my heart’ by Moby. Not a very popular song but there’s something about the song that I like.
I was back at my friend, ‘T’s place last Sunday and a phone rang. I reached for my phone thinking it was mine because it was the same ringtone. Alas, it wasn’t my phone ringing it was T’s wife’s phone. She had unknowingly downloaded the same ringtone as mine just like her husband did about a year ago. Spooky, innit?
Have you ever had any strange experience like that before? Let’s hear about it please.
*Just joking about the UK government giving out phones to UK residents every year O! *
Saturday, 6 September 2008
I may go astray again very soon.
I’m sure you guys will be wondering, wetin konsain Megida and Iya Charlie?
Well, it happens that Megida and Iya Charlie get one thing in common.
"What is it?"
"Oya, guess now."
“They are both Heads of States of English speaking countries?”
“Yes, but that is not exactly the only thing they have in common.”
“Erm… they are both leaders of Commonwealth nations.”
“Yes, they both are but that was not what I had in mind.”
“I give up.”
“Oh, so soon? ”
“Yes, Naijaleta. Please tell us what the Queen of England and the King of Aso Rock have in common.
“They both celebrate two birthdays in a single year!”
“Otio! I know the Queen was born on the 21st April, which is her real birthday, and her official birthday is also celebrated around the first or second Saturday in June of every year but that’s because she’s the Monarch. Every English Monarch has that priviledge.”
“Well, it appears that the privilege has been accorded to Nigerian Presidents too.”
Recently, state governors in Nigeria blew over NGN35million, that’s around £140,000:00 (One hundred and forty thousand Pounds) to congratulate The President, Alhaji Yar’adua on the occasion of his 57th birthday on 9th July 2008.
The states involved include, Niger, Bayelsa, Imo, Sokoto, Rivers, Plateau, Kwara and Ekiti states. Other states include, Enugu, Katsina, Benue and Edo states.
Even the Senate President, David Mark joined the states to congratulate the President on his birthday.
Some state governors even placed advertisements in their personal capacity as state governors after the ones they placed on behalf of their states.
These are governors of, Kaduna, Bauchi, Kebbi, Ebonyi, Zamfara, Adamawa, Borno, Oyo, Taraba, Akwa-Ibom and Abia states.
Out of the over one hundred full page advertisements placed for the President’s birthday only fifteen were placed by private individuals. The rest were placed at public expense.
I understand that this campaign went on for about a week before a Presidential spokesman came forward to say that the President was actually born on August 16 and not July 9.
Surely, all the state governors who have placed those adverts with public money for July 9th must know something the rest of us do not know. Maybe the Nigerian constitution has now given Nigerian Heads of States the privilege of having two birthdays in a single year.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Much respect to all the bloggers who remined me of names that I missed out. My heartfelt appreciation to geisha.song, the singing blogger, who read the post, did not find her name on it and still dropped a comment. Walahi! I know that majority of you would not even bother once you cannot find your name in the post. She is a new blogger. I think she only started blogging in July. Please, please pay her a visit.
Then Freeflowingflorida, as in Freeflowingflorida, I mean that same Freeflowingflorida. (I just like to mention that name sha. It’s the name I just like O! I don’t know anything about the blogger) She reminded me of Ms. Sula, tin-tin (girl), I swear I didn’t know there was a tin-tin (girl). Is she married to tin-tin onijogbon?
Anyway, moving on. Mz. Dee, dat fine gal from Porakot, reminded me of invisible. I’m sorry Mr. or is it Ms. Invisible but maybe if you were not invisible I would have seen you and remembered.
Shubby-Doo, or is it flying-snow? She reminded me of jaja (of Opobo?) boorish male and baroque. Thank you Shubby-Doo. So when am I having that hug you promise me naa? People say I’m like a child, I never forget anything I’m promised especially if I think I’m going to enjoy the thing.
Oluwadee, Iyawo, mentioned efbabe.
Afrobabe reminded me of fluffycutething. Make she play come ma dormot one day make a see if she dey fluffy and cute nitoto.
Buttercup, Burasweerie, abi how Mz. Dee dey laik to call am? She reminded me of writefreak, woomie O, mekistein, ladykoko, dee and enigma. Meanwhile, a hia one gist laik dis about mekistein… ok, never mind.
Okay, this is my last update on the "Solomonsydelle sect". I’m afraid membership of the sect is finally closed. If your name is not mentioned you’ll have to apply again next year.
I’m sure people will still come up with suggestions but I tell you, these are the ones who are the ijinle of blogsville.
Vera’s wish has finally been granted. Check the comment page for my last post and see what I mean. She is under Aloofar. Isn’t Aloofar a lucky man? I would have thought that Vera was the type of woman who likes being on top of situations.
Afrobabe wants a blogger sideways. Awwwww! Any volunteers? Any, any? Going, going, gone. Omashe O! No volunteers. Okay, I’ll volunteer myself. Naijaleta volunteers himself to be by Afobabe’s side. I like a woman who likes being on top of situations and I hope you’re that kind of babe, Afro?
Okay, let me confess, I didn't make that announcement loud enough for others to hear so that I can keep her for myself.
How about doing a post on wowo bloggers next week? I mean, those blogger wey I no say dem no fine at all at all.