Thursday, 26 June 2008

Naija Bloggers Part 3

For some funny reasons there were no comments for the first couple of days after my last blog on Nigerian bloggers so I thought my fellow bloggers had voted with their keypads. No comments means, ‘we don’t like your post’. ‘Who do you think you are?’ ‘Dis Naijaleta sef. He just joined us and he is trying to break the sanctimonious fa├žade of the religious piety code of the ancient Order of the Nigerian bloggers’ society’. I thought you guys considered my last post a sacrilegious and contemptuous indiscretion, which should be visited with the dreaded declaration of Omerta, complete, deafening, ear-shattering silence. I thought I had been declared persona-non grata in blogsville.

By the way, where was I? Ah, yes!

Again, much respect to everyone who dropped a comment and to those who did not.

When I wrote the first draft for this post I had not heard from bumight and undacovasista. Mehn, afraid catch me no be small. Dat kain undacovasista fit arrange make some Brixton boys organize me O. Not to worry anyway, I’ve heard from them. Bumight said I was 75% accurate with her description and undacovasista would neither deny nor confirm that she’s mixed. Hmmm… she reminds me of Babangida who refused to deny or confirm whether he was still interested in running for Presidency, then…

Theicequeen wants me to describe her. My dear, be careful what you wish for. You see, there’s a way a person writes that tells me what she looks like go ask anigeriandramaqueen who said my description of her was 98% correct. You see, if I connect with your writing on a particular level I can describe you down to your bra size! I know you're fine sha, very fine.

Mommy, mommy. I’m seeing a chocolate coloured, round faced person with short hair and a lovely smile. One of those people who are difficult to annoy but if you cross her peren,...she’s like Naomi Campbell. You see, something tells me mommy is actually a size 16 now but she wants to go back to the size 12 she was before she gave birth to tontolo. I’m feeling that she has this green striped T-shirt and grey jogging bottoms she wears around the house and which she always wears when she’s writing her blog. Walahi, I don’t know where that came from but mommy will confirm whether that is true or not.

You see, I keep confusing oluwadee’s image with that of Agbani Darego, which she has on her blog. I’m feeling that she’s a light skinned version of the ex-beauty queen. No, she’s not dark, FemmeFatale is the dark one.

Out of respect for the headmistress of blogville, solomonsydelle, I won’t tell you what she looks like. (Note that I said, ‘looks like’ and not ‘what I think she looks like’). Naijababe, I sure hope those lips are yours, SD (solomonsydelle) does not belong to any confraternity, she’s a sweet wife of one husband and mother of three children.

Charizard is definitely tall and lanky, a bit like Naija version of Peter Crouch but not as tall. If I lie, make I baff naked. Chariz, Chariz, there’s something about him that tells me he’s either in his late teens or very early twenties. Charizard mi, take that as the biggest compliment I have ever paid anyone on this blog. If anybody could grant me a wish, I would wish to be at least ten years younger.

There’s something about sasuke that tells me he is a very fine, light skinned bloke. He’s not very tall, about 5ft 10” tall, ok, maybe 6ft on the dot.

I’m only describing the fine ones? Would you want me to describe you if you were not fine?

I’m falling uncontrollably passionately in love with a female blogger, I won’t tell you who it is. Maybe oluwadee could use that to practise her matchmaking skills.

I was so happy to read bumight’s comment. No, she’s not the one I’m in love with. No, not because she’s not fine she’s…. oh, common, whatever!

See ya!

Monday, 23 June 2008

Naomi Campbell & Sir Mark Thatcher

One is the spoilt son of a former British Prime Minister well known for her deep hatred for black people and the other is a hard working, rich, super-model with a bit of a temper problem. They are both British citizens and have both been tried and sentenced abroad for crimes committed.

Everybody knows Naomi has a temper problem. The sort of problem no Therapy can cure. Naomi is just Naomi end of story. My advice to you if you ever need to serve her in any capacity is, don’t provoke her or else she will throw anything she can lay her hands on at you and if she is not holding anything she will attempt to hit you. If she is not within striking distance she will spit at you. Don’t cross Naomi or else kataka go burst. On the other hand, depending on who the beholder is, Naomi is very beautiful and successful.

If Naomi was a white girl, one professor of Anthropomorphic and Homogeneity Psychology at Cambridge or Oxford University would have come forward with an explanation for her feisty temper.

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the recent scuffle she had on board a British Airways plane. (Yes O, British Airways again. If they have no respect for even Naomi Campbell, Oh Yea Nigerian, what makes you think they give a hoot about you?)

Naomi has just been sentenced to 200 hours Community service for spitting at a Police-Officer trying to remove her from a British Airways flight when she became disruptive after being told that her luggage was not on board. The day after that incident, a colleague at the office opined that as long as she apologised to the Police-Officers for the incident she wouldn’t be prosecuted. He did not think the Crown Prosecution Service would take Naomi to court for spitting at a Police-Officer if she apologises. Unfortunately for Naomi, my colleague was wrong. Naomi apologised but she was prosecuted and sentenced.

Compare Naomi’s case with that of Sir Mark Thatcher who was arrested sometime in 2004 in South Africa over a plot to topple the regime of President Teodoro Obiang Nguema of Equatorial-Guinea and was incarcerated in South-Africa pending his trial and extradition to Equatorial-Guinea. His mother, Margaret Thatcher, flew to South-Africa and went to plead on his behalf. Interesting that she went to beg members of the ANC party, the same party she described as a terrorist organisation some years back. The South-African government entered into a plea bargain with Sir Mark Thatcher and he was convicted of a lesser offence because he claimed that the he did not know that the Helicopter he purchased for the coup plotters was to be used for the coup plot. He was fined £260,000:00 and given a four year suspended sentence. He has since left South-Africa for Spain where he now lives.

The other alleged coup plotters arrested were extradited to Equatorial-Guinea where they were being tried recently. During the trial, Simon Mann, one of the alleged coup plotters arrested, said Mark Thatcher was the major financier of the failed coup plot. He knew about the coup plot and played a major role in it. Mark Thatcher is free today enjoying with his family simply because his mother was able to pull strings to get him released. Who says Nepotism occurs only among black people?

The fact of the matter is that for as long as undesirable elements like Sir Mark Thatcher, a British Knight, remain free, Africa’s economic resources are not safe. What the likes of them specialise in is pulling down governments in Africa and setting up puppet regimes to take care of their selfish business interests.

I’m very sure that the Equatorial Guinean government will be very generous towards anyone who provides information that will lead to the arrest of Sir Mark Thatcher and extradition to Equatorial Guinea, where he should be tried for his crimes.

PS: As you guys know, my blog is primarily on political news and events so I had to put this particular post up. PART 3 of ‘Nigerian bloggers’ is coming very soon, by popular demand!

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Still On Nigerian Bloggers

AH, you see, you didn’t have to wait long for part 2 did ya?

In continuation of my dedication to fellow Nigerian bloggers I need to mention The Explorer, a fellow Naija blogger, blogging from Kaduna State. He posted a comment on my blog and decided to make that comment the subject matter of his post. Much respect man! Once in a while I Google ‘Naijaleta’ just to see how many links I have, (you guys should do that too). There were about four different links to ‘Naijaleta’ from that singular post on The Explorer's blog. I have been living in the UK for a while and did not realise that the Obama campaign success would generate so much buzz within the Nigerian political stage.

Appreciations, felicitations and conviviality, (abeg jus read on don’t bother picking up the dico. I’m not even sure of what those words mean) to those who posted comments on my last post, and to those who did not. Aloofar, point noted, I will amend your URL on my blog roll. What archive are you talking about Mommy? Me I no tosh anibodi archive O! Na my jeje a jus dey go O. How’s Tontolo?

Be honest Naijabloggers, how many of you try and imagine what an anonymous blogger really looks like? (Most of us are anonymous innit?). No intrusion of privacy meant but you just can’t help but wonder what a particular anonymous blogger really looks like. Before I give you what could turn out to be a completely inaccurate description of some of these anonymous bloggers let me give you a vague description of myself. I’m dark skinned, around 5ft 10” tall and never met anyone who said I was not good-looking.

Let me tell you what I think anigeriandramaqueen looks like, around 5ft 4” tall, dark skinned, perfect set of teeth and a lovely smile with a size 8 body. (She said she was size 8 so no prizes for that). I’m not intruding into your privacy but something about you just reminds me of my twenty year old cousin and it’s her description I’ve just given above. Oops I forgot to add, very pretty with long natural hair.

I think Bumight is light skinned with a slightly pointed nose, cuddly, not more than a size 10 and laughs a lot. I also think she’s got short hair and would probably not be much taller than anigeriandramaqueen above and very beautiful. Please, please, don’t go into hiding again O! It’s just my imagination running riot. Oya, pele.

There’s something about the signature images on these two blogs that just drive me crazy, Femme fatale and Afrobabe. That of Femme fatale is just wicked! Ah, I won’t tell you what or who comes to my mind anytime I see that picture and I won’t try and describe those two either. Kilode? You wanna put me in trouble?

The first time I saw solomonsdelle’s blog I thought it belonged to a guy until I read her post about re-writing history. Well done sister. Talking about sisters, need to mention undacovasista, something tells me she’s mixed race. OH, Naijaleta you’ve got to stop this guesswork you’re doing O. It’ll get you into trouble. (My inner voice, see how loud it was).

I’m sure you blokes out there would be wondering why it’s only the babes I’ve been mentioning. Like duhhh…? The babes blog more often than you guys. Give it up for the sisters!!! I’m feeling you gan ni.

Is it me or are there more female Naija bloggers than male bloggers?

On a more serious note, not that I’m looking for a wife but don’t you guys think it’ll be fun marrying a fellow blogger?

I’m I feeling a Part 3 coming? Are you guys bored?

Monday, 16 June 2008

Of Nigerian Bloggers

I started this blog on 27th May 2008. When I started, I had no idea the Nigerian blogosphere was this busy. To be honest with you I thought there were just going to be a couple of Nigerian bloggers. I was pleasantly surprised to be proved wrong.

This post is dedicated to fellow Nigerian bloggers, some of whom I would mention and some I would not mention, just refer to them. I apologise for not providing links to the blogs I will mention because I want the post to be free flowing, like free flowing florida. (Don’t you just like that name?) As for the other blogs I will not mention or even refer to abeg don’t take it personal. This is not a valedictory blog I will mention your blog later. Like you know, we write these posts as the spirit leads, as in the one in the bottle. (Can’t write without my shakis (liquor) beside me.)

Before I started blogging, I Googled certain key-words, like, ‘Nigerian bloggers’, ‘Nigeria’ and ‘Naija’ and I made some interesting discoveries. Bella Naija was the first blog I saw and it sits right there on the first SERP (Search Engine Report Page) of the key-word ‘Naija’ in Google. Abeg how una take do am? Then I saw another blog, Naijablog, a few links down but still on the first SERP and decided to check it out. To my utter amazement, it belonged to one Oyinbo boy like this! As if to prove that he is Oyinbo proper he attached a picture of his parents to that day’s post.

At this point I have to remember Oluwadee. She was the first person to welcome me to Naija blog life. Don’t you guys think Oluwadee would make a wonderful wife for her husband to be? I wish her a happy married life and plenty of good things to come.

Then there’s the issue of intruders. Young ladies blogging anonymously since that is the only way they can express themselves in our bigoted, myopic and parochial society. Some morrafucking SOB would start threatening them that they know who they are and they would expose them. WTF!!!!! Why don’t you mind you effing business? If you don’t have anything better to do go get a bar of soap and wank off or something just get out of my face! Honestly, fellow bloggers, I think we should appoint a Headmaster of some sort to deal with these SOBs. Or what do you think? I would like to personally nominate ablackJamesBond. He has the experience, way back from Primary school days. Did you read about how he dealt with Ibukun? Hilarious stuff. That reminds me, a friend was asking me why Bumight posted a comment on my blog that she would ‘remain open’. Then I explained that she was being threatened into going private by one of those SOBs. My friend said, Oh oh. Stupid guy, I wondered what sort of open he thought the poor lady meant. Shio.

Yeppa! Time has gone and I haven’t even mentioned half the people I would love to mention. Then you’ll have to watch out for Part II of this post. I’m sorry for making it look like a Nigerian Home video.

PS: My fellow Chelsea fans, this season is ours!!! We have signed Big Phil. Oh God I’m so excited. Managers don’t come better than Big Phil. This guy is a World-Cup winning coach, he’s England’s albatross. On three different occasions in a space of four short years his teams put England out of an international football competition. Let Drogba and Lampard go wherever they want to go Big Phil will easily find replacements for them.

Thank you. That is the end of the end of my public announcement.

Friday, 13 June 2008

Good Night Adedibu

I received a mail from Nigeria yesterday that the strong man of Ibadan Politics, Chief (thug) Lamidi Ariyibi Akanbi Adedibu has died. I had to make calls to Nigeria to confirm that the news was true. Rumours about the death of Nigerian politicians are quite rife. This same Adedibu was rumoured to have died sometime last year.

Your reaction to Adedibu’s death will depend on what side of the political spectrum you belong to. Adedibu was a self confessed political thug. He has been a thug since he was twenty-four years old with the now defunct Action Group. He once said in an interview that he could not separate Politics from thuggery.

Adedibu had several acronyms, which included, ‘the Alafin of Molete’, ‘Adedibully’, ‘the Ekarun of Olubadan’. Other acronyms included ‘Field Marshall of the Garrison Command of Ibadan Politics. He was perhaps best known as the exponent of ‘Amala politics’.

He was a man who believed a certain portion of the monthly allocation for Oyo state was his divine right. It is said that the former Oyo State governor, Ladoja, was impeached because he failed to pay Adedibu 25% of the Government’s monthly security vote. Although the governor was later re-instated but Adedibu promised him that he would not be voted for a second term in office and that was exactly what happened.

The late exponent of ‘Amala politics’ was the one who determined who held what position in Oyo state and for how long the position was held by that person. Forget about your qualifications or lack of it you held whatever position in Oyo state that Adedibu deemed fit for you - no questions asked.

Adedibu’s thugs destroyed Oyo State controlled broadcasting stations recently. Reason: Baba did not want the governor to use the media to make any announcements to the state.

Ten years from today some of the people who had benefited from his ‘Amala politics’ would stand up and say that Adedibu was a man of peace who contributed immensely to the development of Oyo State and Nigeria in particular.

Anyhoos, I saw this clip on YouTube and I thought you guys would love it. Enjoy and have a nice weekend.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Nigeria's Lying Generals

It is true that in Africa you do not talk ill of the dead but that does not give you a license to insult the living. How can Babangida (abi se na Babaginda, I no sabi bo), Buhari and Abdulsalami say that Abacha never stole any money from Nigeria’s treasuries? To start with, I love it when the words, ‘steal’ or ‘stole’ are used when describing what these rulers have done. I hate words like ‘embezzle’ and ‘misappropriation’. Barawo na barawo, ole, onyoshi.

Anyway, it’s been ten years so maybe I should refresh your memory. Methuselahs like me have the impression that everybody was around and have a vivid impression of what happened ten years ago.

I think it was June 8 (or was is it June 6?) ten years ago that Nigerians broke into spontaneous celebration. I arrived work late on that fateful and I was already thinking of what fabu to give my boss but when I got to work I met everyone crowded around the television set, watching CNN in the newsroom(I was working with a Newspaper company then). My boss, the editor, looked up as I entered the newsroom and said to me, ‘congratulations, Abacha is dead.’ For those of you who don’t remember who Abacha was that should sum it up for you.

Now on the event of the tenth year anniversary of his death, three of his closest friends are saying he didn’t steal any money. Ibrahim Babangida, actually described him as, ‘courageous, loyal and honest…’ Honest?!! Abacha, honest? Babangida is notorious for double speaking. In an Interview with Newswatch in July 2000, Babangida was quoted to have said Abacha’s death brought relative stability to the country. He also said during the same July 2000 interview that the revelation of Abacha’s loot surprised him. In that interview, Babangida also blamed Nigerians for allowing Abacha to turn himself into a dictator. That was only eight years ago.

On Buhari’s part, he said, ten years after, allegations against Abacha remain unproven. Excuse me Mr. General sir, if you haven’t been shuttling from one courtroom to another in furtherance of your selfish bid to become President for the last six years and had been paying attention to current news you would have known that the Swiss authorities have returned some of the money Abacha stole.

As for Abdusalami, how can he talk ill of Abacha? He was the most fortunate beneficiary of Abacha’s death. He even praised Abacha for Vision 2010. Why did he not continue with the vision when he succeeded him?

The connection between the four generals is obvious, Abacha was the person who announced Buhari’s coup on 31st December 1983, Babangida took over from Buhari and Abacha was a key player in Babangida’s government. Then Abacha took over from Babangida, when Abacha died Abdusalami succeeded him. End of story.

On the other hand, maybe Akinjide, who was disparaging Chief Obafemi Awolowo recently, should borrow a leaf from those three Generals.

Monday, 9 June 2008

Solutions To Nigeria's problems

When I started this blog I decided to write about Nigeria’s problems from a laid back point of view but immediately felt people would think I am trivialising Nigeria’s problems. I’m beginning to suspect my feelings about what people would think is true.

My last two posts on Barack Obama’s victory, which came across as very serious received quite a few responses. It appears people take me seriously when I come across as very serious. Honestly, I believe that you can’t be too passionate about Nigeria’s problems. We’ve got to look for more practical solutions to our problems and that brings me to what one of the bloggers said in his comment. He said and I quote, ‘…blogging evidently, will be the next political platform of the future.’ I could not agree with him more. I am one of those truly grateful for the advent of Internet technology that has made it possible for someone like me to publish my thoughts out there for the world to see without paying so much money or licking some editor’s arse. (Pardon my language).

Before Obama’s victory I wanted to continue writing about Nigerian Policemen extorting money from motorists. I wanted to make an appeal to fellow bloggers living in Nigeria to please take pictures or even make video recordings of such Policemen and publish these videos or pictures on their blogs. What are we doing with all those Nokia N95, LG Viewty and I-phones that I hear are quite common in Nigeria now? Oh, sorry no light to charge the phones. Seriously, bloggers should P-L-E-A-S-E start taking pictures or making video recordings of these criminal acts and publish them on their blogs. On the other hand, you can e-mail the pictures and the video recordings to me and I’ll be glad to do the honours. My e-mail address is I’ll be waiting to hear from you guys.

Sill on the issue of bloging as a way forward in Nigeria, I really think people should blog seriously about things happening in Nigeria with a view to exposing corrupt government officials. Someone said, 'dem no get shame' but I tell una say dem get family wey get shame. E sweet craze man make im go dance naked for market place na im family no go let am.

Another important point that was made was the fact that we have people like Obama in the country but we do not have political parties that will accommodate them so when they are eventually elected instead of them to carry out their agenda they have to satisfy those responsible for their coming into power first and there is no end to satisfying these vultures. Hmm… true talk.

My fellow bloggers how many of you want to join me in this blogging revolution to turn this country around for good? Let us start by publishing pictures or even videos of public servants, especially policemen caught in criminal acts. I was telling a friend that one of the reasons why crime rate is relatively lower in civilized countries is because of the presence of CCTV cameras on the streets.

Friday, 6 June 2008

Where Is Nigeria's Obama?

I’m sure most of you will be wondering, ‘wetin concern Naijaleta with Obama sef, abi im tink say when Obama become President im go dey dash Naija pipul visa go America anyhow?’ Well, there’s nothing wrong in having hopes, is there?

Anyway, that is really not the point. I ended my last post by asking when Britain is going to have an Obama. The next question then is, when are we going to have an ‘Obama’ in Nigeria?

When are we going to have someone, who was completely unknown to the rest of the world four years ago, contesting to become President of Nigeria under the banner of one of the most prominent political parties in Nigeria? I tell my friends here in the UK that Nigeria is a very green country and I’m not referring to our National colour. What I mean is that we believe so much in recycling that we even recycle our old politicians. After a politician serves a particular Government we don’t allow him to retire we put him back on the queue to serve in another Government or make him head another public body immediately, ignoring his poor performance in Government and the plethora of allegations of incompetence and financial impropriety being levied against him. Abi no be recycling be dat?

I was ashamed to read about President Yar’adua’s election on the BBC website. It wasn’t his victory that was being reported it was the fact that he was Nigeria’s first graduate president since independence. I’m not being biased but I think it’s a shame that we are yet to produce a lawyer President in Nigeria. Some of the greatest leaders in the world were qualified Legal Practitioners before they became leaders of their respective countries. People like Nelson Mandela of South Africa, Bill Clinton of the United States, Tony Blair of the United Kingdom and even Fidel Castro of Cuba. Little wonder George Bush is not a lawyer. Yeye man. Of course, Barack Obama is a lawyer as well. When are we going to have an eloquent, soft-spoken, brilliant, lawyer contesting on the platform of a prominent Nigerian party to become President of Nigeria?

When will the time come when a member of a minority tribe in Nigeria be chosen as the Presidential candidate for a prominent Nigerian political party? Obama is considered black. When Obama was born there were no equal rights for black people in the United States but today his chances of becoming the next President of the US look brighter than that of any other person. Can a man from Isoko, a tribe from Delta State that I had never heard of until two years ago, ever dream of becoming Nigeria’s next President?

Finally, we must remember madam, Mama Clinton. How many of you noticed that she is not talking of joining another party or even registering another one quickly? After all, over eighteen million Americans voted for her. If she decided to break away and form another party or declare herself an independent candidate she could still have a shot at the Presidency. No, her principles would not allow her to do that. She has decided to support Obama’s Presidential campaign for the sake of the Democratic Party, which they both belong to. She considers the party’s interest more important than hers. When are we going to start having politicians like Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton in Nigeria?

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Obama's Victory

I may have to start today’s post by making another apology. Two, actually. Firstly, I’d like to apologise for not making any post yesterday. Did I hear someone say, ‘no one noticed.’ Anyway, my second apology is for the fact that my post today is dedicated to Barack Obama’s victory at the end of the US Democratic Party nominations. To some of you, Obama’s victory is like, ‘wetin concern agbero with overload’. May your own no be laik Saddam Hussein. Amen. Wherever he is now he must have learnt in a hard way that you don’t play games with whoever sits at the Oval office.

The reason I couldn’t make any posts yesterday was because I got carried away watching news bulletins on his victory.

As black people there is a lot Nigerians have to learn from Obama’s victory. One of the most important lessons to be learnt from his victory is that black people can rise from our present difficulties and dominate the world someday. It’s interesting that Obama is being referred to as a black person. There is a rule in Western societies called ‘the one drop rule.’ What this means is that you are considered black as long as there is one drop of black blood in your veins. Regardless of the fact that Obama’s mother is white he is considered black because his father was black. If Obama had married a white woman their children would still be considered black because Obama, their father, is black even though they are more white than black. The black blood in them is considered a stain.

Talking about marrying a white woman, one of the very first things I admired about Obama was the fact that he married a ‘sistah’. A beautiful, elegant well educated black woman! Big up for the black woman. He is not like the arse brained, over-pampered, over-paid, over-rated black professional footballers in the Premier league here who think it’s some kind of status symbol to be seen hand-in-hand with a white chick. Now, if this white girl wasn’t some blonde bimbo picked up from some night club in a seedy part of town their actions would have been excusable but... A beg make we tok beta.

Obama’s nomination to lead the Democratic Party forty-five years after Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a Dream’ speech is nothing short of remarkable. When Obama was born forty-six years ago inter-racial marriage was an offence in some parts of the United States; blacks and whites were not allowed to sit together on buses in some other states. Until the late sixties some schools in the United States would not admit blacks as students. That was how bad racial segregation was back in those days. Today however, a black-man is on his way to becoming the President of the United States of America, the most powerful public office in the Western world.

It has happened in the United States, when is it going to happen in Britain? One day, when the average Jamaican on the streets of Brixton stops living on marijuana and fathering babies like a rabbit; when the typical Nigerian in Peckham stops having that ultimate ambition of hitting a large sum of money in a shady deal in order to buy the latest Hummer jeep. One day, when our teenagers stop thinking it’s cool to carry knives and guns around on the streets of London and Birmingham, we just might have a black man leading one of the main Political Parties in Britain.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Super(?) Eagles of Nigeria

Apologies to every lady reading this post who does not like football. The entire post is going to be on the match between Nigeria and South Africa played on Saturday. As for men who don’t like football, I’m always suspicious of them. I believe most Nigerian men who claim not to like football only say so out of fear of losing their present girlfriends.

It’s always very good when we win home matches judging by our away record, which is very poor. Na only Nigeria (and England too sha) go beat Republic of Benin 6-0 for dem backyad come go Cotonu go follow dem play goalless draw. Haba! At the post-match press conference the coach (usually someone like Amodu Shuaib) will complain about the sub-standard pitch in Cotonu. Excuse me, what did you expect? You’re playing in Cotonu and there’s something called acclimatization, that’s why those boys are professionals. They get paid a lot of money for what they do and they should be able to adapt to certain conditions.

By the way, pardon my ignorance, when did they appoint Amodu Shuaib as Coach again? Abi se na Technical Adviser den dey call am? No be di same Amodu den don sack like one hundred times bifo, bifo? On the other hand, if this guy has already gone for coaching lessons and has learnt more about football from what he knew the last time he handled Super Eagles then I would say he deserves the job. However, if he hasn’t learnt anything new then it’s just a matter of time for him. By the way, se dat im bele don reduce sha? It doesn’t appear like the guy has learnt anything new O! The same problem he had during the 2002 African Nations Cup, when he last handled the Super Eagles, still remains with him. This guy just doesn’t know when to substitute his players or worse still, who to substitute for that matter! On the other hand, he was making excuses for the players’ sluggish performances that the NFA should move kick-off time to five O’clock. Dan bura… When these boys were in secondary school playing Principal Cup or Nations Cup at Ajegunle they could play under any condition. Dey don go Europe come now den no sabi play for inside sun again. Sege.

Over here in Europe they play under very harsh conditions as well, sub-zero degrees sometimes. They dare not complain because this is where they earn their wages. During the last World Cup, the heat in Germany was also severe at some points but you won’t hear these Oyinbo boys playing for their country blaming the heat for a lack-lustre performance. It is only our own boys who learnt to play football under the scorching sun who will come back from Europe to complain about the heat. Or is Shuaibu who’s just looking for something to say.

A beg wey di home-based boys jo?

Monday, 2 June 2008

Nigeria's Man Made Problems

Fellow Nigerians, isn’t it great to be back after the weekend? Walahi, som pipul go swear fo mi as I tok dat kain tok. Na who wan go back wok after weekend? Apart from Policemen and Court staff who cannot wait to go back to work and start collecting engunje again. You know what, I’ve never come across a Policeman who said he was on leave. Olopa no dey go leave, na hunger go kill im family.

A friend of mine returned to London after visiting Nigeria for a relative’s wedding with tales of woe of how Policemen were still extorting money from innocent civilians, unavailability of electricity, traffic jams and bad roads. At the end of his narration he asked me if I still believed in Nigeria. My answer was a resounding ‘YES’, that I still believed so much in Nigeria. I now went on to explain to my friend that every problem he experienced in Nigeria was man-made, not artificial but man-made. For instance, the day we get a sane Inspector-General of Police the menace of Policemen extorting money from innocent civilians will stop.
“What about traffic-jams?” My friend asked.
“The day Nigerians start to obey traffic rules traffic-jams will reduce.” I replied.
It’s not as if they don’t have traffic-jams in developed countries too but the difference is that when there is a traffic-jam motorists stay on their side of the road they don’t drive over the road divider and face oncoming traffic!

As for the issue of bad roads this is due to lack of maintenance. If the Government maintained the roads there would be fewer bad roads.

Isn’t it amazing the number of top of the range cars you see on our roads as bad as they are? Talking about top of the range cars, did you hear about the Nigerian who went to a bank in the middle of New York to ask for a $25,000:00 loan? Anyway, there was this Nigerian who went to a top bank in Manhattan, New-York to negotiate for a $25,000:00 loan for a month. He was very smartly dressed on that day so the bank manager was quite impressed and reckoned he must have a good job and therefore credit worthy. However, there was the little problem of security for the loan. When the Nigerian was asked for security he said, “no problem, you can use my Bentley as security for the Loan. I just bought it last month and it cost me a Hundred thousand Dollars. It’s parked outside.” The bank manager asked for the registration papers for the Bentley, which he checked and to his amazement the car actually belonged to the Nigerian and he’s paid for it in full.
Without wasting any more time the bank manager processed the loan and transferred the money to this man’s account. The interest payable for the loan for a month was two hundred Dollars. After the money was transferred the Bentley was parked inside a well secured garage.
Exactly a month later the Nigerian returned with $25,200:00 cash, which he handed over to the manager. After the manager verified that the money was complete he ordered the Bentley to be brought from the garage and handed the Keys over to the Nigerian.
As the Nigerian was driving out, the manager asked him what business he was into that made him turn the money around so quickly.
“Tell me,” The Nigerian started. “How else can I get a secured parking space for my $100,000:00 brand new Bentley for a whole month for only $200:00 in the middle of Manhattan?” The Nigerian asked the bemused bank manager as he drove away.