Hand Over Notes

My fellow Nigerians, di one wey I hia yestade I laff so tey I dey piss for boxers. Talking about boxers, my friend from Nigeria called the other day and asked if I was still a member of the ‘tubeless-club’. Tubeless? Fo this kol’ kontri? Any attempt to do tubeless for dis kontri na kol’ go freeze una blokos.
Sorry for the digression, I just couldn’t but mention that. Anyway, I hia say mai-gida no fit pafom sake of say Aremu, Baba Iyabo no gi’am hand-over notes bifo im go Ota.

I thought about this matter carefully and asked my friends why Aremu, Baba Iyabo could have omitted to perform such an important task and my friends came up with very interesting excuses for the Ota Landlord.

First Friend: “Baba Iyabo actually prepared a very well written and detailed hand-over note which he kept very close to himself in order to personally place it in Mai-gida’s hands. One fateful day however, after a meal of hot amala, gbegiri soup and palm wine, Baba-Iyabo had to go and use the toilet. After doing his business Baba-Iyabo discovered that there was no toilet roll in the toilet so he decided to improvise with the hand-over note and since it took him eight years to write that one Mai-gida would have the hand-over notes in about seven years time”.

Second Friend: “Haba! How can there be a toilet in Aso-Rock with no toilet roll? This was what actually happened. The hand-over notes were actually prepared on a Word document and they were supposed to be e-mailed to Mai-gida but you see Baba got too impatient with the Cisco trained, Microsoft certified, Internet expert, software genius, UN recommended IT consultant who was brought in from the United States to teach him how to send e-mails so instead of hitting the SEND button Baba hit the DELETE button and that’s why Mai-gida never got the hand-over notes.”

Third Friend: “Hand-over notes Ko, leg-under notes nii? Who gave Abdusalami hand-over notes when he took over from Abacha? No be Indian prostitute hand-over apple to Abacha? Abi who gave Baba-Iyabo himself hand-over notes when Muritala was killed? So are you trying to say Mai-gida has not used any toilet in Aso-Rock because he doesn’t have the hand-over notes? Or are you saying the guy has not received any salary since he became President because those are the sort of things you should expect to find in a hand-over note. Look gentlemen, I have a lot of respect for the President and I’m hoping this shameless excuse for gross ineptitude is not coming from him but the sadistic, vitriolic and rancorous vituperations of a redundant civil servant who has….”

At that point I had to stop him, babu turenchi sose fa!

My dilemma is that I don’t know which one of them to agree with because the first two each appeared like they were giving an eye-witness account of the situation.

Abeg fellow Nigerians, which one of the three do you agree with?

Till Monday, have a nice weekend.